Star Wars: Futile Empire

While i am sure that some may think that I am referring to the decrepit status of the Star War Franchise, they would be incorrect.  This is much better, in fact to use three words THIS…IS…AWESOME!  It turns out a US “spy satellite” is suffering from orbital decay, and will slam into the Earth at a hundred thousand miles an hour.

While that speed might be exaggerated a tiny bit, the odd of it hitting you are exactly 50%.  It either will, or it won’t.  What is unique is that apparently the school bus sized, I am betting not the “special school” kind, is apparently loaded with toxic fuel.  So that if it crashes into stuff, then a poisonous gas will kill those left alive by the crater.

While some may say that this is a ploy for Bush to define himself as the only president to defend the globe from interstellar terrorism and the obvious need for a missile shield,  they would just be cynics.  No, dear friends the President isn’t that desperate for a legacy, cause if he was we would be invading Iran right…now.

Also you could not literally com up with this stuff before Wednesday, because the writers strike was on, so you see there is no underhandedness that we have come to expect from the Bush Administration over the last very long seven years.

What will be fun is that the Navy -Accelerate Your Life- has been given the duty to shoot this sucker down.   Now the problem exists that despite the existence of the video game industry, and Fauex News attempting to slander it, shooting said satellite is not going to be easy.  They could just graze the thing and then send it on a direct path “accidentally” straight towards Mecca.  (Which would be kinda cool in one way, and cause massive problems)

Then supposing that they do shoot it down, there does exist the possibility,  that the thing may crash and burn on somebody anyway, so then everybody and their pet monkey will be trying to shoot it down.  (That includes Dick Cheney and His pet monkey Bush)

Imagine, India launching its missiles only to have Pakistan think this is a first strike to obtain Kashmir.  Then we will have the French with their twelve guys on a ladder, the whole of their space program, shooting frogs legs and patte trying to knock down the satellite.

So sit back and watch the show, cause this episode can’t be as stupid as the last three, Star Wars:Futile Empire.

Das Vidanya

Maybe it is because of all the video games, movies, and Tom Clancey novels, but I am kinda just spent on the Russians being the bad guy. Don’t get me wrong, they are still God-less heathen commies, but like the 15th Nightmare on Elm Street movie, it gets kinda old all after a while.

Now I will admit that some of the hard feelings have been melted because of the exportation of Russian female tennis players. I mean with ambassadors like these there still could be hope for Russia and Britain to stop their little argument.

It becomes even more tiresome since because of all the decades of the Cold War, we are at least familiar with Russian culture. Vodka, funny dancing, and ending ones sentences with “All for Mother Russia”. This is especially true when there is that new villain with a funnier accent and stranger culture out in the Middle East, though even they are starting to get more ridiculous hype than Cloverfield.

With a stranger accent, mixed with a strange and exotic culture, and the only real communication between cultures being when they invaded Europe to expand Islam, and the Crusades, lets just say that we may have gotten off on the wrong foot.

Add in the religious idealism that Islam serves to complete Christianity, and a doctrine of active martyrdom and there is a great possibility of conflict spiraling out of hand. With this helps Conservatives fear monger in order to win elections that would be lost on ideas, it can also fray already fragile relations.

With this changing of the enemy comes a changing of tactics, as well as a change in the rules. Or at least it should. Correct me if I am wrong, but the Napoleonic style of charging ones enemies didn’t work out too well in WWI. The two history majors in the back know what I am talking about. Adaptation is necessary for any organism to survive in the ever changing environment that is the world of foreign policy.

Although when you try to mention this to the conservative right, all they hear is, “adaptation could lead to evolution, and that is a slight against God, and environment is code for global warming, and that is merely a tool of the devil to make us swear allegiance to the desolate one.” So of course nothing gets done, the answer is always, “Nuke ‘Em” cause that will solve the problem.

So now we see Russia trying to get in the spotlight as the evil maniacal villain, only he can’t really do much except be a sidekick to the Iranian Star. Although we still want that missile shield against them cause, well they may still go ahead and launch after a Vodka Binge.  Instead of the specter of Red Tanks rolling into Europe, we need to worry about Turbans loaded with C4.  So the awesome sequel of Cold War Part Deaux - Das Vidanya.