Pick Your Spots

Someone needs to tell President Bush to shut up.  His credibility has reached the point that if he told me that sticking a fork in my eye would be painful, I would have to seriously contemplate that eyes were actually immune to pain.

Bush is now stomping through Europe attending the NATO meetings and is actively getting in his own way, by opening his lying yap.  The two most contentious aspects of Bush’s goals would be getting more troops in order to secure Afghanistan, the place that actually had Al Qaeda, and getting the Eastern European countries Ukraine and Georgia -the country not the state- into NATO.

These are good things.  Getting troops into the area that has terrorists and actually was responsible for the training of hijackers is necessary and one of the more responsible aspects of leadership that Bush has, accidentally I am sure, come across.  But it comes across as he is an incompetent boob, that messed up Afghanistan by a premature invasion of Iraq.

The man who spurned advice, caution, and strategy is now asking for help to fix one of his many blunders.  Now I understand that Bush is used to dealing with an inept and partisan driven Congress that would give him whatever he wanted, but that is no longer his audience.

“The Uniter” is going to have to rely upon his ability to persuade and convince our allies that this the important fight of our times and that success is only achievable should we be united.  That of course would assume that Bush would have a personality transplant or be so doped up out of his mind that he becomes a decent human being.

The second aspect that he is fighting for is equally notable.   NATO was founded on the principle of providing Democracies within the sphere of Europe collective security.  To be sure that protection was against a militarily aggressive Soviet Union seeking to take advantage of post WWII Europe.

NATO has evolved with the times however and now provides collective security in an altogether sense.  It is important to note that political freedom is directly correlated with the level of security that the government faces.  Thus entry into NATO provides the necessary security blanket, that governments can allow the release of boundaries upon their citizens in order to achieve a more perfect type of democracy.

Even in our own history, when the fate of the Union has been threatened, rights of Americans have been infringed upon in order to maintain security of the state.   What Bush, of course, is failing to understand is the deep seeded historical feelings that exist between Russia and NATO, and the sentiments of Russian and its former Soviet Satellite States.

Politics is about give and take.  Bush can have his war, but he must pay for it – ok bad example.  Politics  should be about give and take.  Keeping with the topics Bushmust decide which is more important to the immediate interests of the United States, and tone down the rhetoric on the other one as an immediate crisis.

This would be especially true if the CITIZENS of the said countries are no where near a consensus on if joining NATO would be a good idea.  Since they are in the shadow of Russia they still have jobs, trade routes, family, WWII articles in common with mother Russia even if they hate her for all the abuse she handed out when they were growing up.

This would especially true of the Ukraine who had a great number of their troops be sent to Afghanistan when they were still part of the Soviet Union and got killed when Tom Hanks – Charlie Wilson- messed it all up by sending stinger missiles.

It comes off that Bush is expecting Eastern Europeans to bail him out of a mistake that hubris doesn’t win wars.  I will give him credit that it does win him elections, but then the military doesn’t have to write letters to families of soldiers killed in elections.  So Bush…Pick Your Spots

Change For Changes Sake

If there is one thing that we should learn from surviving the Bush Presidency, it is that not everything one’s predecessor did is necessarily bad thing.  Clinton’s rice for calming down the North Korea nuclear program kept the country from thumbing its nose on the grand and public scale of global politics.

Bush canceling the program because North Korea would cheat on the program every now and again to make sure the food would keep coming, was a stark warning sign of how little he knew about global policies and his role as President in dealing with them.

There are certain parts of the world where change, no matter how badly needed by outside influence, cannot be changed through military intervention.  This would include all three parts of the “Axis of Evil”, as well as Africa.  (Africa is included because as famine, genocide, and an aids epidemic sweep the country-nobody seems to care so long as they teach abstinence and don’t have abortions)

North Korea has the protection from their “comrades” in China, as well as their cousins in South Korea.  China still harbors feelings of inadequacy and is uncomfortable having a democracy right on its border, and it knows that should North Korea fall, they will receive immigrants by the bucket load, and they don’t want them.

South Korea wants to keep the North propped up because of the economics involved.  Sure, they will receive immigrants too, but then the possibility of reunification will come to surface, and despite the rhetoric, nobody in the South wants that.   The reasons for this are simple especially when we look at the other example of reunification last century, Germany.

The evil, diabolic, swine infested pinko commie bastards, here to will be referred to as “Russians”, they at least provided East Germany with some sort of infrastructure.  They had roads, schools, buildings, and a really impressive wall.  Germany is still recovering economically from absorbing that half of the country.  North Korea is basically a couple of cities and farmland.  The costs of absorbing would set South Korea back generations.

The other parts of the Axis of Evil we have history.   Aparently the United States was an integrel part of the crusades.  Which I find surprising because if it were true, the Middle East would have been conquered centuries ago and not be the flea infested kitty litter box it is today.

What the next President needs to take from the Bush experiment is that having someone unstable and uncompromising is not a terrible thing.  Sure he can’t have any real power, but it is nice to be able to keep our enemies concerned.  The way we tinker this, is have someone with that personality, that actually knows what they are doing.

Threatening to invade and then do air strikes.   Though I w was thoroughly disappointed with the shock and awe that took place at the opening of Bush’s War.  This is what is good about Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh, they are freking crazy lunatics.  You don’t give them any REAL influence, but they keep people on their toes.

“Speak softly and carry a big stick” was the foreign policy by Teddy Roosevelt,  and it worked for many years because it understood both the global environment and the United States role in it.  The next President needs to take us back to a policy that can do the same.

Diplomacy is a tool that can only be effective when applied with leverage.   While this leverage need not be a nuclear weapon being detonated upon Mecca and Medina, pointing out the option usually gets one’s attention and shows how serious the situation now is.  Economic benefits, military contracts, hosting the Olympics are all tools that can be used to gain that leverage.

It should also be pointed out that Peace for the sake of Peace is incorrect policy as well.  While there are moral absolutes in almost any field, Global policy is the least affected, as the shades of gray are numerous. These are not easy decisions, for no matter what you decide people die.   It is the next President’s job to determine where, what nationality, and how many.

Controlled aggression, just like in poker and love, is often rewarded in global politics.   Where one gets into trouble is when we are over come by our passions, and allow aggression to go unchecked.  Influenced by God, Power, Fearlessness, Principles, or unresolved father issues, we are now living through what can happen when the desire for change goes too far.

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same cycle of decisions, and expect different results.  Change is necessary and sometimes painful.  What this country needs now is to adapt, which can be even more intimidating.  What we cannot do, is Change For Changes Sake.

Das Vidanya

Maybe it is because of all the video games, movies, and Tom Clancey novels, but I am kinda just spent on the Russians being the bad guy. Don’t get me wrong, they are still God-less heathen commies, but like the 15th Nightmare on Elm Street movie, it gets kinda old all after a while.

Now I will admit that some of the hard feelings have been melted because of the exportation of Russian female tennis players. I mean with ambassadors like these there still could be hope for Russia and Britain to stop their little argument.

It becomes even more tiresome since because of all the decades of the Cold War, we are at least familiar with Russian culture. Vodka, funny dancing, and ending ones sentences with “All for Mother Russia”. This is especially true when there is that new villain with a funnier accent and stranger culture out in the Middle East, though even they are starting to get more ridiculous hype than Cloverfield.

With a stranger accent, mixed with a strange and exotic culture, and the only real communication between cultures being when they invaded Europe to expand Islam, and the Crusades, lets just say that we may have gotten off on the wrong foot.

Add in the religious idealism that Islam serves to complete Christianity, and a doctrine of active martyrdom and there is a great possibility of conflict spiraling out of hand. With this helps Conservatives fear monger in order to win elections that would be lost on ideas, it can also fray already fragile relations.

With this changing of the enemy comes a changing of tactics, as well as a change in the rules. Or at least it should. Correct me if I am wrong, but the Napoleonic style of charging ones enemies didn’t work out too well in WWI. The two history majors in the back know what I am talking about. Adaptation is necessary for any organism to survive in the ever changing environment that is the world of foreign policy.

Although when you try to mention this to the conservative right, all they hear is, “adaptation could lead to evolution, and that is a slight against God, and environment is code for global warming, and that is merely a tool of the devil to make us swear allegiance to the desolate one.” So of course nothing gets done, the answer is always, “Nuke ‘Em” cause that will solve the problem.

So now we see Russia trying to get in the spotlight as the evil maniacal villain, only he can’t really do much except be a sidekick to the Iranian Star. Although we still want that missile shield against them cause, well they may still go ahead and launch after a Vodka Binge.  Instead of the specter of Red Tanks rolling into Europe, we need to worry about Turbans loaded with C4.  So the awesome sequel of Cold War Part Deaux – Das Vidanya.

Czar-Prising

Well the elections in Russia are over, and I can’t even feign surprise at the outcome. Not only am I not surprised that the Czar won, nor am I shocked at the way he did it.

What is shocking to me, and should be disturbing to the West is why he did it. Putin undermined the fledgling democracy in Russia when he had no reason to do so, he would have won regardless.

Let us take a brief, stereotypical, look at the kind of leadership that the Russians hail as great. Ivan the Terrible, also killed large swaths of people, expanding Russia into the Siberian wonderland, and destroyed entire populations on the mere possibility that they may betray him.

Carrying on the tradition of might makes right is or good friend Peter the Great, who despite having a better nickname than Ivan, did some of the same nasty stuff. The modern father of Russia, Peter did some very forcible stuff in order to modernize Russia and make it a world power.

Then of course is the self named “Man of Steel” Stalin himself. Who ruled with brutal authority where morality was never even an afterthought. Stalin’s quote, “The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of a million is a statistic” gives us a unique look into his mindset.

Then of course we have Bush’s buddy Putin. Though he doesn’t have the body count, Putin gives what the Russian people typically crave: vodka. Seriously though, they desire a leader that does two things, makes decisions that makes Russia a strong global power, and gives them edible food at home.

How successful has this policy been for the Russian people? Lets put it this way, they had controlled the Balkans and most of the ‘Stans, and there was about a third of the violence that is going on now.

Putin fits this mold as a former KGB agent of making the hard decisions no matter the moral implications and only focusing on the National Interest. That happens to fit the mold of the Russian leaders to a t, combined with what the Russians call a personality, and he was golden.

What is troubling is the lengths he went to in order to secure that electoral victory, by fooling with the process. Unfortunately, rampant insecurity is also a Russian leadership trait that can have disastrous results. For there comes a time when leaders lose the ability to function competently and do more harm than good. President Bush hit that barrier in early 2000.

What these two have in common besides misunderestimating the other is a dunce, is damaging making decisions that damage their respective countries in the short term, but set precedents in place that could cause untold damage in the future.

Not that we couldn’t see this coming, as they are both self entitled personalities that believe they have moral authority to do what they wish. It also helps that their political opposition is too afraid to challenge these bullies of in their respective playgrounds. Hopefully I am wrong, but that would be Czar-Prising.

You’re Europe For God’s Sake

Ethnic rivalries, demanding to be united in a homeland that preserves their culture and language is something that we hear usually in the context of Africa and the Middle East. Those conquered lands were drawn up arbitrarily in order to keep colonial rule, and the export of natural materials flowing.

Now in some parallel universe it is Europe that keeps popping up with ethnic minorities that desire the self determination of a homeland, never mind that they had one once and it got taken over because some states aren’t viable as independent countries. Translation: you got conquered way back when because of superior numbers, technology, and strategy; how will this time be different?

While the Balkans is technically Europe they have not behaved like it except when they were under the control of the USSR, of course that was because soviets would kill everybody if trouble started up. Not the most imaginative way to solve a problem but, if it works it can’t be too awful right?

Now fast forward and we have the people of Kosovo, who are now wanting their own country in order to prevent the violence they suffered at the hands of the Serbians under Milosevic. (Fun Fact: Republicans called Clinton’s involvement in the area irresponsible and unnecessary, and felt that any foreign involvement without a clear exit strategy was treasonable. Now it is patriotic.)

The problem with Kosovo getting a country, is that it does set a bad precedent to other parts of Europe beyond the Balkans. Spain for example has existed as a conglomerate of several different ethnic groups. Portugal was the one that got away, and got to be its own country back when burning witches was cool. The most modern day independent of these have been the Basques who have used terrorist tactics in order to force the issue of independence.

Now to be fair they have calmed down the bombing bit because the followers of Islam seem to have that market of negative press cornered. The invisible hand of the market does work in mysterious ways after all. Kosovo getting its independence would be a very sticky international allowance of the Basques getting their own country. Especially if Venezuela decides to mount a pre-emptive strike.

Then of course we have the lovely people of Chechnya, who have been trying to rid themselves of Russian rule since, lets say 1234 because it is a nice number. Chechnyans don’t mind the violence so much, cause nothing will make the Russians be sympathetic to your cause than killing women and children. They must have taken classes at the Palestinian University of Kaboom.

Then of course there is the outsider of the European Union Turkey, which I favorably call the good Muslims, because they use their military to attack radicals, not funding them to blow themselves up at Western Embassies. They have a problem with the Kurds that has lasted since Alexander the Great left.

Now I support the Kurds, they don’t harbor terrorists to attack America, they are one of the few ethnic groups that are hated as much as the Israelis are in that part of the world. They don’t resent us for Daddy Bush telling them to rise against Saddam’s regime and then turning around and saying helicopters are cool to fly in the no-fly zones, thus cutting the Kurds to ribbons.

But they still don’t get their own country. Now I understand having an economically weak, militarily underfunded, only natural resource is sand, has worked for Jordan all these years, but a united stable Iraq would be better for everyone. Excluding of course the people who die in the ethnic cleansing non-civil war they have.

What I am saying is this, we expect this kind of mess from other places in the World. Europe has always thought of itself as better, having royals marry their relations does that to people, look at Kansas, but keep it together Man, You’re Europe For God’s Sake.

Morals are What you make of them

Well I guess President Bush has had a impact on old Vlady after all.  The insistence that Tsar Putin was really a nice guy, and that all the KGB history was in the past.  Putin did believe in democracy and morality so long as they serve his purposes of expanding his hold on power.  In truth Bush saw himself in Putin, granted it was a smarter, able to drink alcohol, and be openly hostile to your opposition version of himself, but then that is almost everybody.

It appears that the Russian President/Tsar/Universal Leader has found God.  Not the “I promise to help the poor, feed the hungry, be just to my fellow man and good person” kind of God, but rather the “how can I use this for my own personal agenda” God.  You know, the things that Muslims and Republicans have been doing for years.

Putin has said that he has a “moral right” to continue to be involved in Russian politics.  Its interesting to note he did not use the phrase “moral responsibility” probably because their is no Russian equivalent word for responsibility the closest they come to it is “vodka” meaning no poor results.  Which would be debatable if you have seen the women in Siberia – Zing!

That roar of silence you hear is the hippy generation not getting upset that a man that has used strong arm tactics to get what he wants and will use whatever means possible to keep in power who also has questionable security of their nuclear arsenal, who is not of Islamic disposition.  I figured Europe would have a problem with a dude bringing back the old days, not getting upset with a Pakistani doing what rulers over their have always done- try to keep hold on power.

Author’s Aside – As I have gracefully, and effortlessly drawn Pakistan and Russia together, I would like to take this opportunity to speak with Benizar Bhutto for a moment.  I respect you.  It takes some stones to immediately turn on the guy who offered you immunity so you could come back to the dung-heap you guys call a country.  Then being more opportunistic that a fraternity finding a drunken heap of sorority girls immediately pouncing on civil unrest so you could oust that very same guy from power.  But to keep talking when you are under arrest and being told to shut up while the country is being burned down by people who hate you, and your own followers trying to prove martial law is unnecessary, is a sure way for you to find your way “falling” out of a window.  

Moving on,  what the aforementioned munchie generation needs to understand is that they should be cool with a guy keeping his population in line that has some weird ideologies that may involve nuclear holocaust.  It is for the greater good after all, the end all be all of circular reasoning.  Why else have moral standards if you can’t break them now and again when it is convenient.  Thats why morals are what you make of them.

Tech Support…Please Hold

Well, this is just great.  It looks as though we will finally have a conclusion to the greatest mystery in the era of modern man.  No, I am not talking about how a man can be President and at teh same time have a hard time counting his toes.  The mystery of which I speak is the moon landing. (dramatic music)

For decades the intellegent among us have had to listen to the meandering “logic” of people like Pat Robertson and his follows spout of about how the moon landing was a fake, because the moon is only made of space dust because the Universe is only 6 thousand years old.  The devil and his evil, liberal, intellectual, democrat, homosexual, “science” makes us only think it is billions of years old. 

How do you ask?  How will this truth finally be recognized?  NASA must be sending another mission to space and to solidify our supremecy over allwe survey!  Actually no, it will the Russians and the Indians teaming up to form one of the more obvious alliances known to man. 

Simply judging by stereotypes, because I am an American and going deeper than first impressions takes time and effort and I actually am kinda busy, this is a truly perfect relationship.  India has a large population that is overeducated for the menial tasks of explaining to people in Mississippi that the thing that pops out of the computer is not a cup holder.  (Think it through)

Russia on the other hand has decent production capabilities but, rarely has the ability to sustain thetechnology they produce due to the fact that Russians are usually preoccupied with the temptress known as Vodka.      K-19, Chernobyl, and Mir are all high profile cases of this, for my purposes, truth. 

Though it may seem as though I am elated of this news, because I am, it brings with it a threat to our national security and soverignty.  For the moon which has been claimed by the universal “I planted the flag so I get to keep it” rule, in accordance with the “dibs” principle is under attack. 

For no where in my brief research did I see where these two nations asked the permission of the United States to land upon US soil.  Not once did the prospect of landing rights or docking permission even be mentioned let alone negotiated. 

This is unacceptable and should be treated with the harshest means possible.  A non-binding, non-enforcible, will probably be vetoed, symbolic gesture of a UN resolution.  Wait…my somputer keeps actiong up…”Tech support…please hold.”

Belgium Waffling?

Throughout time there have been many issues that have resulted in the need of civil war. While some issues seemed at the time vastly important, excesses of the French King for example, others have stood the test of time. Taxation without Representation was the rallying cry of our own departure of the British Empire. While religion tore apart the country of Yugoslavia, and ethnicity seems to be the driving force behind the Basque separatist movement.

Belgium has decided to cast its Constitutional government aside for an altogether different issue, Language. For while Europe is chock full of parties all along the political landscape, Belgium seems to not have a problem with what party puts forth an idea, but rather what language it is in.

For the parties tend to be divided by languages, rather than ideals. It would be like having a Spanish speaking Democrat Party and and English Democrat Party. For those in the south, an analogy would be having Black Baptist Churches, and White Baptist Churches. Both spreading the same ideology, just kinda picky over who is telling whom the message. (That is the correct usage of who;whom right?)

So while like every other democratic country instead of dealing with economic, and social issues, (Germany doesn’t look like it may invade so I don’t think any foreign policy questions are on the horizon) the government of Belgium has overblown a small issue into a monumental issue of staggering proportions.

More than 150 days have passed where the proposal of electoral distribution of Brussels, which would force inconvenience Francophone speaker, I think, and give the Flemish a possible, upper hand is ridiculous.

Whats worse is I don’t know who to really root for in this fight. Discrimination of anything French cannot be too bad can it? Yet to have another European country dissolve into ethnic and lingstical mini-states doesn’t set a good example for the rest of the world. Next thing you know, Montana will want to be its own country because they talk to God on a two-way radio.

Although come to think of it, this gives us an excellent opportunity to send NATO troops in, heavy on the Turkish of course, so they can practice before they go Kurd hunting in the spring. Well I am keeping this short because it is Friday, so I will have some Belgium Waffling.

Czar Putin: Our World’s Greatest Hope

There were some rivalries that echo through the annals of history and that pushed the world to become a more advanced better place. These included Greece and Persia; Rome and Carthage; Great Britain and France; and the United States and the Soviet Union. I know some people are trying to make China the next Super Power we can maybe have a rivalry with, but it just doesn’t have the same feel of mutual disdain and mistrust like the good ones.

Maybe it is Human Nature to reminisce about better times, but it truly felt that we were safer when the world was on the brink of nuclear destruction. Everything just had more meaning to it in the old days, a prime example would be the Olympics. There was really truly human drama going on. Everybody watching knew if the Russian figure skater, or gymnast fell or did something to mess up the routine, she was going to get shot for “failing the state”.

Now our Olympic rivalries come in the form of individual events, instead of in terms of most medals won. To underscore this point, Australia is our biggest rival in swimming. Whoopdy frekin do, I mean I like Australia, with its exports of Outback Steakhouse, Fosters beer commercials and crazy wildlife show hosts, but I can’t get geared up to beat them in any kind of competition, they are just not on our level.

It was not only the Olympics that was more riveting, but the Middle East was a much quieter place too. I mean their choices (in their eyes) were: Deal with the Infidel Christian Western Crusaders who pay us good money for oil; or Deal with the Infidel Atheist Communist Soviets who will pay us less money for oil. But the Soviet Union couldn’t just leave well enough alone could they, although it must have been pretty bad if they felt they needed to invade Afghanistan for natural resources, since all they are known for is dirt, opium, and sand.

There is hope for those of us who dream of better times, for Russia is now led by a former KGB agent who understands the need for a new Soviet State. Czar Putin has taken the frail democracy that semi-legitimately existed and has molded what the Russian people truly want, a power on the global stage. Who needs to feed citizens or protect nuclear missile bunkers when you can challenge the United States over having a missile shield?

The Soviet Union was the perfect enemy for the United States to stand against. As an economic system the Soviets believed they would truly win in the long run, therefore they would push militarily when it was advantageous. However, they could be deterred should the advantage not be highly in their favor. In addition it cannot be discounted that the necessity of the state to undermine religious authority, may have also impacted this decision. When one believes either their is no afterlife, or the afterlife they will go to is a warm, they will do what they can to postpone such dismal outlooks.

We were the morally righteous, altogether insensitive but meaning well Americans. We may have “interfered” in a few places but only to make sure that people could be treated as people. At least our heart was in the right place.

That is all that Czar Putin is attempting to do; bring the world to a safer more stable place. The world was never more safe than when it was on the verge of Destruction, and that is why Czar Putin is our greatest hope.